I am an introvert and I am loud!8 min read
I have been wanting to write this article for a while but kept on holding back for no reason.
Well, no more.
I am loud and an introvert!
No, I am not an extroverted introvert, I am not an extrovert. Just an introvert! I love the MTBI test don’t get me wrong but it makes people think that their whole life revolves around their profile type: I am an introvert so I am X, Y, Z – Oh, I do enjoy talking to people so I guess I am an extroverted introvert …
I am here to tell you that this is BS! Your introversion or ambiversion (if you are right in the middle of the spectrum which can totally happen), is just ONE SIDE OF THE COIN! Also, it’s not always about us. Sometimes, we go into a new environment in which we haven’t been before and that makes us feel shy.
You can see many extroverts having issues with public speaking! It doesn’t matter. It has actually been proven by a study (R. H. Bruskin – 1973) that most of the 2500+ respondents were more scared of public speaking than death! ps: 40% speaking before a group VS 18.7% for death.
So, please, let’s stop linking and confusing: Being quiet, being outgoing, being an introvert, situations, shyness, and social anxiety. We are definitely not all wired to being loud, you may be soft-spoken and that is wonderful! I honor you for owning your truth.
There is this misconception that being an introvert ultimately means being ALWAYS quiet. The truth is, we are quiet when we deem correct that we have no value to add to the conversation. Or, simply because we want to LISTEN to what others are saying. You can’t be talking all the time and listen to the other person.
We have to differentiate that with
You feel conscious about what others think of you when you do something
That the main sign that you are shy and not only an introvert. If you avoid going out because of the fear of judgment you may even be dealing with social anxiety (shaking, and more extreme symptoms).
As introverts, we are more prone to shyness and social anxiety because of our extreme sensitivity to an external stimulus. It doesn’t mean that every introvert is dealing with extreme shyness.
Extroverts can be shy too – they still take energy by being with other people but they will keep quiet, not because they don’t want to speak (a choice) but because they feel they will look like fools.
You have trouble making new connections at work
As introverts, we live in our heads most of the time but It doesn’t mean that we are not able to have incredible communication skills and make new friends, connections. Barack Obama is an introvert. He does his deep thinking work alone at night. He is still a master communicator. Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk don’t have strong communication skills – you can check this video of Elon Musk (he is not bad but we can feel he is uneasy). Yet, they did amazing because of their extreme competency in technology which doesn’t need much interaction or if so, only with close relatives or friends.
Let’s be honest, unless you are a tech or digital genius you still need a couple of people you trust to get things going and be successful at work and in life. Mark worked with his close friends whereas Elon Musk started with his brother.
You consistently beat yourself up
I am going to go on the cheesy route here … but do you love yourself? Low self-esteem can trigger extreme shyness issues. Simply because you don’t think you are worthy of being listened to, success and so on. When you graduated and then when you got your job, were you just happy for a short moment and went into action mode again? (or even got a
You play small
Are you playing small at work? Did you ask for that promotion? Do you have presented your work in front of your colleagues, manager or even boss depending on your position? Do you avoid leading teams? If you haven’t read it yet, hop on over to my article on 5 signs you are playing small at work as an introvert!
You are soft-spoken and that is awesome too
Here is the thing, many introverts are soft-spoken but extroverts see that as being quiet! Don’t be fooled by them or anyone else (an introvert playing the extrovert – The Ultimate Betrayal). Being soft-spoken goes hand in hand with amazing listening abilities.
We also feel very comfortable with that person and feel like we can be real and authentic. I am not soft-spoken (INTJ here) but I do love interacting with my fellow introverts who are soft-spoken. They listen to me, are usually calm and wise – I feel at ease with them. There is a soothing effect I love. So, keep being you don’t change anything!
Tell me more in the comments, are you soft-spoken or “loud” – “direct” or truly quiet? What is the real reason you are quiet? Is that a choice or fear?